Hammsterize Me!
A Treadmill Journal
The premise:
Take a long-time runner who shuns treadmills on principle, and require him to perform a month’s worth of workouts exclusively on that apparatus at his small Company gym.
The test:
See if he can stick to the plan, maintain his sanity, and perhaps even benefit from the experience.
The rules:
(1) Absolutely no running or other aerobic exercise outside for the entire month of January;
(2) Workouts must be a minimum of 30 minutes, and 5 days or more each week;
(3) Radios and fans are on or off at the discretion of other gym users only; and
(4) None of the “miles” traveled can be recorded in the log book as “runs”.
This is Steve Strauss’ self-inflicted adventure, also documented in the March/April ODR.
Jan 1 – I’m not terribly disappointed that it is 32 degrees and rainy outside as I embark on my grand indoor experiment. And I had a reason to come into the office anyway on this holiday for a brief yearend task, so this whole thing launches conveniently at least… I have the gym to myself, which is somewhat expected. I dress, and decide, quite contrary to my normal style, that it’s OK to leave my t-shirt out (I could skip the shirt altogether, but let’s not get carried away!). So, here we go, 40 minutes staring at my unshaved face, with no tunes and no fan, what fun! The first mile takes 9:20 primarily as a warm-up, as I feel somewhat stiff from some downed-tree disposal at home over the weekend. I up the speed to 8 minutes per mile; it feels like I’m nearly sprinting, but the readout moves agonizingly slowly at 2 or 3 hundredths of a mile for each round of statistics. The clock is moving just as slowly, and it seems like forever until I get to the 2-mile mark. More than once I’ve eyed the STOP button, but I’ve committed to this and I’ve no intention of bailing… With the building heat shut down for 3 days, it takes several more minutes for my hands to warm up and several more after that before the first bead of sweat appears on my shirt. I’m certain I’ll get the beginnings of a runner’s high and float right off this contraption, which of course would be catastrophic. Or maybe I’m just dizzy from having nothing but my bouncing face, chest and feet to stare at. Either way, I’m at risk of going down if my focus strays for even a moment, and it could be several hours before a security guard wanders through. They will say, “he died doing what he loves”, and it will be SUCH a lie… I try to pretend I’m actually outdoors but the images don’t linger under these fluorescent bulbs. I keep thinking I see movement in the main room, but these are just more cruel illusions. I’m getting thirsty, I can’t really alter my stride in spite of regular tinkering with the speed and incline for a little variety, and I’m craving another runner to say hello to or even a jerk driver blowing through a stop and turn whom I can sneer at. And how do you go downhill on this beast? Finally, I reach 5 miles and my 43-minute ordeal is over. I’ll say one thing – this is the best sweat I’ve had in 3 or 4 months. I stagger off and the room is moving as I stumble to the drinking fountain. Yeah, I’m gonna love the next 30 days.
Jan 2 – Tuesday, and back to work for everyone. At midday temps were almost 25 degrees warmer than the previous day, but it was windy and rainy, too. It felt weird that I was not only NOT disturbed by this but mildly amused. In any case, my plans actually called for an after-work workout. At 5:15pm I made my way to our little gym. The place was packed like I’d almost never seen before, except for every previous early January. So no surprise, perhaps, but I secretly had hoped folks would ease into their resolutions a bit, just this once, for my sake. After half an hour of lifting weights, my turn finally came, about when the “cardio room” and the rest of the gym was on the verge of emptying out. As much as I despise the big noisy fans, the room really needed it, but my self-imposed rules say I take the room as it comes, and since none of those other exercisers inflicted an arctic blast on their comrades, nor any music station at all, I was stuck in the stillness and the silence. Of course, the building was significantly warmer than on the holiday, so I was quite drenched by the time my 30 minutes were up. Oh well, since this felt like hell in all other respects, it might as well be hot to match. In addition to a feeling of déjà vu, this day’s rendition felt a lot longer than yesterday’s nearly half-again-as-long “run”. I got so sick of watching the crawling digital displays that I forced myself to not look. I made it a whole 3 ½ minutes. Ugh. With nothing else to focus on, I swear I could see my beard growing… After the last walker left 2 minutes into my session, no one new arrived. By the time I wobbled off, I had the entire facility to myself. I also had just 10 minutes to cool down, shower, dress and catch my bus. It took me 18…
Jan 3 – Today has turned out rather pleasant, quite in contrast to the forecast. No matter, I don’t run every day anyway, and I was already committed to steering clear of the gym until tomorrow morning. One of my runner buddies (most of them don’t yet know about this experiment) has graciously offered to be “the guy who disses you for being a wimpy treadmill runner.” My reply: “Yes, please add to my misery if you feel it is appropriate. I will not vigorously defend myself until I’ve survived the ordeal.”
Jan 4 – My exposure to the weather is now limited to the bus commute and occasional dog walks. The a.m. saw foot-soaking rain, and the evening icy winds. It’s a bit of a stretch to say I’m thankful to be working out indoors, but the less than stellar climate conditions helps a little. My early morning session, after a light breakfast and a tardy bus (the driver jokingly offered to write us all notes) took place in an almost-empty gym, but for the first time I had some radio noise to “jog” to. Yes, relatively speaking today was a low-intensity workout, even though I solved much of the mystery of programming this treadmill and managed to perform an interval workout. The best part about this was seeing some different readouts and less emphasis on the clock. Plus there was the “surprise” each minute of the terrain and speed alterations kicking in automatically. The machine drowned out the radio commercials but I could still make out most of the songs. I considered attempting to increase my speed to keep tempo with the tunes, but I wasn’t really prepared to work that hard so early into my day. Even after being inspired by a new Runner’s World I glanced at just before climbing aboard, with several articles on ultra running, one of which was a story featuring a strange 3,100 mile, summer-long “race” around a single block in my boyhood home of Queens, NY. It makes a month of treadmill slogging seem much more sane. OK, strike the “much”…
Jan 5 – A chilly but otherwise pleasant day, until around the time I head down to the gym a bit after 3 pm. I’ve now tried visits there at every time except my “usual” lunch-hour period – mainly to determine when a treadmill will most likely be unoccupied, but is it possible perhaps I’m also not quite ready to engage in defending(?) myself to my core group of fellow exercisers? No, I don’t believe this. I have nothing to be ashamed of. My email exchange with JH today was not the least bit intimidating. I’ll happily tell my running friends when I see them. Even if it isn’t until February… By which time I’ll be as pale as a ghost from the lack of exposure to the sun. Anyway, today’s 30 minute session (3.5 miles) is mostly endured with company, although it plays out like 3 guys riding an elevator all staring at the floor buttons in silence. On the elliptical and the adjacent treadmill are two semi-regulars plugged in to their ipods and striding away with eyes closed. I might as well be in the room by myself. The radio is on but tuned to NPR, a fine station in many respects but totally out of place in a gym setting. It doesn’t matter, as the machines drown it out completely. Both of my fellow travelers sweat more and quit sooner. Another guy enters as I’m close to wrapping it up, and someone had finished just before I came in. It seems like an odd time to be working out but it obviously works for this group. Chances are I’ll see them again.
Jan 6 – After staying up late last night hunting for an available hotel room for the Boston Marathon, I could say I ran the Newton Hills today. I tried out the “weight loss” interval program, not sure what I was in for. Well, after the warm-up, the treadmill launched me to a 10% incline! The air went thin quickly, and I lowered it to a slightly less taxing 7%. At the start of the 2 nd “work” session, the beast completely ignored my changes and sent me up another 10% incline. So, this thing not only bores me to tears but it has an attitude to boot! Hardly recovered from round 1, I went to 6%. This continued several more times, and I took back one more percent each time. After all, I really have no weight left to lose… When it was over I’d managed 44 minutes and 5.1 miles. Alone again, except for one guy finishing up while I opened up with some weight work, and a buddy who entered the gym as I was cresting my final ½ mile (Heartbreak?) hill.
Jan 7 – Sunday, a day of rest, while everybody else does Y2K7, outdoors, probably in the rain.
Jan 8 – Work was so busy I would not have made it out under any conditions. When I finally reach the SWEAT Shop at 6 pm, the machines are still fully booked for 20 minutes. Since I’m running late now, I up the pace, mostly 7 – 71/2 minutes/mile. Well, it still takes 30 minutes to run nowhere fast for 30 minutes, and the scenery still whizzes by at 0 mph. According to the digital display, I only managed 3.9 miles, plus I didn’t arrive home until after 8 pm, not good…
Jan 9 – I’m spending far too much time thinking about, strategizing for, and agonizing over my daily workout instead of just looking forward to it. Rather than a nice midday break in the day, these sessions are occurring haphazardly and too dependent on other people whom I need to work around. The workouts themselves are framed in uncertainty and constant clock management, pretty much sucking the life out of them, and adding to, instead of easing, my stress. All made worse by the extra challenges of my workload at this busy time of the year, plus the financial hangover of the holidays, the downer of almost perpetual darkness, and a general sense of angst. Whose stupid idea was this, anyway? Oh, quit yer bitchin’… I may go insane but at least I’ll look fit in my straitjacket.
For the first time I had a workout with a steady running partner, and I gradually engaged her in conversation. She hopped aboard the other mill a few minutes into my 4-miler (32 minutes) and stayed just past my finishing point. I even more-or-less told her about my experiment (I just omitted the writing-about-it part). Well into “our” run, she jokingly chastised me for not sweating enough, but we were both working hard in the warm room. Anyway, having someone along who wasn’t plugged in to an ipod was a novelty, and with the added bonus of some good vintage tunes on the radio, it made for a nearly-enjoyable run-in-place.
Jan 10 – Forecast to be a very wintry day (and it turns out to be another false alarm), it is nevertheless an off day. Even better, tonight I’m off to drink beer with my editor, a chance to report on my progress to someone else with a stake of sorts in this crazy stunt.
Jan 11 – We were promised icy roads, but the weatherheads mostly came up short yet again (at least in my neighborhood). It’s cold but not slippery outside. However, I’m sliding all over the Tread O’ The Beast this morning. You’d think I’d be getting used to this treadmill lifestyle, but even with breakfast in me the pre-work workout is going poorly. I’m lightheaded and pale and it takes all my willpower to stay aboard. The cardio room population is 1, but even without witnesses there is no accommodating a DNF in my log. I slog along at 8.5 minute miles, thinking about my vitamin D deficiency from an aggravated lack of exposure to sunshine, the president’s latest act of war mismanagement, and how much the treadmill is to running what rap is to music: all rhythm and browbeating monotony with no melody. Finally at nearly 25 minutes my head clears, my spirits lift, and I gain strength towards my 35-minute finish line, 4.15 miles in the bag and still 3 feet from the mirror.
Jan 12 - A spectacular day except for the fact that it was mostly below freezing. And far breezier in the gym, as for the first time I joined some exercisers who had the fan going. It was also the first time this month that I ventured downstairs during the “lunch hour”. Surprisingly, attendance was otherwise low. I saw only a couple of my regular crowd, and at that only in passing, so I never got quizzed on where I’ve been hiding out, and therefore no opportunity to explain to them my unusual mission. Anyway, I had ready access to a treadmill, and with the wind at my back I was off and running. Even with the chilly air movement, I worked up a decent sweat in 30 minutes and 3.7 miles. Unfortunately, the fan and treadmill noise was insufficient to drown out the so-called pop culture blasting out of the radio, and the workout felt like a thankless and “ear”-itating chore.
Jan 13 – In addition to all the sensual deprivation associated with this experiment, there has been one important problem with training this way – I’m supposed to be preparing for a marathon, and my daily mileage is well short of meeting that standard. So today, a 22-degree Saturday outside, I endeavor to ride the beast for a full hour. I have the gym completely to myself, which has become my preference, as I can flail and mumble and sweat to my heart’s content. I’ll learn a new skill today – drinking as I ride and stride. I rig up my water bottle to the heart rate monitor clip (since there is no cup holder on this vehicle), and it works out OK. The run goes better than I expected, and I am cruising along just fine as I venture into uncharted territory after 45 minutes. When the hour is up, I’ve supposedly traveled 7.4 miles and burned over 1,100 calories. I know that’s how it goes, but I’ve never been given that feedback so starkly before – 1,100 calories, where am I going to find 1,100 calories? What’s left of my Clif Bar covers only the first 100. Supersize Me! Ah, no…
Jan 14 – On this rest day, I decide to do a little research into the history of treadmills. They were originally adaptations of treadwheels used to raise water, power cranes or grind grain, and for these purposes often powered by animals. There were also versions used in prisons as a form of punishment. Now we’re talking… Treadmills more recognizable to current styles were developed in the late 19 th century to generate mobile power, and again designed primarily for animals to run on – dogs and sheep could power butter churners, horses to drive threshing machines. Then in the 1950’s medical treadmills were created to diagnose and evaluate heart and lung conditions, and by the late 1960’s the first treadmills for home exercise became available. Innovative designs brought about improvements during the 1970’s and 1980’s, contributing to and inspired by the fitness boom and the growing popularity of commercial gyms. My ride for this month long adventure is rather primitive compared to the features on some machines offered today – equipment with dozens of program options, speeds up to 22 mph, and inclines as high as 25% and even –3%. Not to mention sophisticated video displays, mini-fans built into the console, compartments for drinks and ipods, and other luxuries. All well and good, but I’m not suddenly feeling compelled to order a shiny one all my own. In the works are virtual reality setups where a runner could, from the comfort of his den, strap on a VR helmet and have the sensation of jogging through Central Park, a Washington rain forest, or across the landscape of one of Saturn’s moons. Is that really a good idea? I can barely stay aboard in real reality; the sensation of racing across a frozen, unpaved, oxygen-poor planetary body seems a recipe for disaster, and likely wouldn’t be covered by even a virtual medical plan. On the other hand, maybe for those future prisoners the VR machine can simulate being endlessly chased by a pack of Dobermans.
Jan 15 – The competitive juices are flowing this afternoon, in the locker room. I have to hustle to get dressed ahead of another guy I’m sure is headed for the one available treadmill, and I succeed. Although it turns out he planned to lift weights first anyway. In my haste, I don’t get my right shoe tied as tightly as I prefer, but this isn’t evident until after I’ve fully programmed the beast for an interval workout and have half a minute of warm-up jogging out of the way. Since this machine has no “pause” button I decide to let it go. On the radio, as if on cue, the Guess Who is singing “It’s too late… she’s come undun” which keeps me focused on the state of my floppy footwear even longer. A few minutes later the other treadmill becomes unoccupied, and stays that way until late in my 32-minute excursion, when my alleged competition is next to hop on board, thankfully with no indication of hard feelings. I complete my 4.1 miles with my Asics staying on well enough, and after a typically drawn-out cooldown scurry back upstairs for 2 more hours of work.
Jan 16 – There is something special to me about going for a run during a significant snowfall. I am therefore really missing out today on a chance to experience the beauty and silent wonder that accompanies weather that blankets and blocks off the roadways. I am truly bummed to not be ascending the hills above Washington Park. Instead I’m down in this windowless, bland, and too-toasty basement workout facility trying to ignore a bull in my china shop. He’s a big guy doing his best to work on his fitness, but as his feet pound the adjoining treadmill the whole room is shaking. And of course he’s fully “podded” so there’s zero interaction or chance for camaraderie. The only upside is we both get to go home afterwards, as the office shut down at 2:30 to facilitate safe daylight travel on the slippery roads. I’m glad few others saw it as a perfect opportunity to squeeze in a workout. I set my sights on 36 minutes to cover 4.5 miles, and hit it right on the nose.
Jan 17 – The icy, slushy leftovers from yesterday’s weather event would not accommodate an outdoor run. And I’m busy enough at work, and tired enough in general, that a day off would be perfectly reasonable under normal circumstances. But my project plan doesn’t allow for a day off either today or tomorrow. So at the end of the day I drag myself downstairs. Again, the masses have given their commute home a higher priority. Even the bike commuters must have allowed themselves a wise reprieve. So I’m all by my lonesome. I’m willing to do thirty minutes but no more, but today is going to be uphill all the way, including 15 solid minutes climbing at a 4, 5 or 6% grade. Tired or not, pushing myself relieves the boredom and gives me something to show for my dedication to this dismal odyssey. Another 3.45 miles which count for nothing, and everything…
Jan 18 – Here I go again. Less than 14 hours after being the last one off the beast, I’m the first one on in the morning (the readouts are just as I left them last night). As seems typical of the a.m. workouts, I’m not so motivated. I don’t bother to tinker with the speed and incline buttons, in fact I’m hardly thinking at all, just going through the motions of picking them up and putting them down, one foot at a time, until my 4 miles (in 35 minutes) are done. It’s as zoned out as I’m been on this machine, but it is still nothing whatsoever like the suspension of consciousness that occurs on the road. I’m not exactly smiling inside… not until I cool down, shower up, and get up close and personal with my bagel.
Jan 19 – The thaw is on, but it makes no difference to me. In any case, today is a much-coveted day off after 4 straight days on the mill. People ask me why I’m doing this, and no matter what I say it doesn’t quite make enough sense. I guess it isn’t supposed to…
Jan 20 – Another Saturday in the office, as a warm-up to the workout. Today I’ve set as my goal a full 15K, and after a moderate start I complete it in just under 74 minutes. Better yet, my 5K splits are 25.5, 24.5 and 23.5 minutes. If I manage to learn how to successfully do negative splits it just might be worth every boring minute stuck on this machine. It was a long haul but didn’t drag on too horribly. Which isn’t to say my anticipation wasn’t sky high during the last mile… and even typing the word “sky” is a bit depressing, now that I think of it. Sigh…I’ve grown quite accustomed to making these indoor treks all by myself, but it definitely is a different kind of loneliness for this long-distance runner. On the roads, and even the trails, at any time the chance exists that I’ll encounter another living creature, human or animal, so I’m by myself but rarely feel alone. A connection is felt no matter how fleeting the encounter, and I welcome every one. In the basement, I’m amazed at how infrequently the place gets used by others, and how little interaction occurs even when people are around. I’m alone even when I’m not.
Jan 21 – Today is another reprieve from the moving sidewalk shuffle. The legs and feet are rather thankful. My impression is that I’m striding differently than my outdoor style, something I have to wait 10 (TEN! Ugh.) more days before I can prove. The body is taking more of a pounding, and my landings may be putting more pressure on my suddenly tender toes. Or perhaps I’m just running at a generally faster pace, day to day, since I have constant, instant feedback that I don’t usually get on my training runs when I’m mostly oblivious to the time and only vaguely aware of the distance traveled. If I’m pushing too hard it may be taking a toll. But the only thing more distasteful than running fast on a treadmill is running slowly on a treadmill…
Jan 22 - Today is picture day, when a co-worker has graciously agreed to snap a few photos while I ride the beast. In between her jokes I do my best to look like I am hard at work while hardly enjoying the routine. It’s not much of a stretch, but there is something else occurring to keep my attitude towards this session even further in check. I’ve begun this workout alongside another runner who has been a regular treadmill exerciser for years, 3 or 4 miles every weekday without fail, and I am definitely intrigued as to how and why he keeps at it this way. But it is too noisy to hear him clearly, and his feet are so close to the back edge of the treadmill that I’m nervous about distracting him too much, so I ask if I can e-mail some questions to him later. This will allow me to more properly explain myself and assure him that my probing inquiries are well-intentioned. Work keeps me busy, however, so I have to defer the “interview” until the morning. Anyway, my tally for the day: 35 minutes, 4.3 miles.
Jan 23 – Although it is barely in the 40’s approaching noon, it is the type of day that gets people uttering the phrase “spring fever”. Except for a quick errand, I am obstructed from reveling in the relative grandness of the day. A short while later PW relates to me in his email response how he’s maintained his indoor treadmill regimen for a dozen years mainly because it works with his schedule, makes his knees happy, and has kept him fit. It may be a boring routine, but the daily sense of accomplishment is all the reward he needs. Then, once a year he has great fun striving to finish the Portland Marathon. Except for regular fair-weather evening walks that one race is his only outdoor exercise. I find his attitude and dedication refreshing and impressive. It reminds me that there are many runners who don’t obsess about getting faster or worry about getting slow and therefore “old”, and that any exercise is valuable if it brings the joy of good health. After my 30-minute, 3.7mile evening session featuring the roaring fan for only the 2 nd time all month, my bus passes 24Hr Fitness and I can see over a dozen exercisers riding the treadmills and elliptical machines. I wonder if any of them are having fun yet, or, if like PW, don’t even concern themselves with that…
Jan 24 – My coping skills are maturing nicely in some respects, but I’m definitely growing weary of watching myself run. I want to watch others run, as I catch up to them, or them to me. I miss waving at fellow runners as we pass. I think about waving at my reflection, but that would be the moment someone would materialize in the doorway of the “cardio” room, and they would get confirmation of my insanity. As it turns out, except for the bike commuters I have no witnesses to my behavior or mental state today. In an effort to perk up the view slightly, I’m now digging deeper into the t-shirt drawer to model some clothing I’d all-but-forgotten about. For this morning’s jaunt of 4.4 miles in 38 minutes, I just set the pace level once and go, then ignore the readouts until I sense I’m near the end. Instead, the variations today come from deliberate changes in my stride pattern, from periods of short marathon shuffling to stretches of long, strong, bouncy gallops. The beast is not impressed, as it just steadily keeps the tread rolling and doesn’t care a bit how, or even if, I stay on…
Jan 25 – When I have to read the morning paper to realize that the last three days have all topped out over 50 degrees, there is something definitely wrong with this picture. I feel like I’ve lost touch with reality. Outside today, the fog never quite clears. Inside, same story, just work work work and no gym visit to help me cope.
Jan 26 – This is one of those days when a workout is the last thing I want to do, and the thing I most want to do. Work continues to be super busy, so I have no time, but I’m going crazy without the running break, so I finally make my escape around 3:30. My right knee doesn’t feel so great, but as is so often the case, exercise actually makes it feel better. Today’s a sunny if brisk day, and I’ve run out of ways to sidestep co-workers’ inquiries about training outside. Soon this month-long ordeal will be over, but the task at hand is a sort of mini, solo Dual Duel – 20 work intervals of 60 seconds, with 60-second rest intervals in between plus a very brief warm-up and cool-down. I pretend I am on a 400-meter track, sprinting 250 meters and jogging 150, over and over again. In 42 minutes I cover 5.25 miles, and feel pretty good during and after. One podded elliptical rider warily watches me over the final third; otherwise it is once again nearly a ghost town.
Jan 27 – I didn’t enter into this commitment without the desire to get some good exercise, and today is the final major test in that regard: Ninety minutes for as far as I can go. My only companions are my water bottle and my towel. I wear a tank top and my best socks. There’s no fan, and no music. After 9 minutes I acknowledge already being 1/10 th of the way done, and it doesn’t seem so bad. By 45 minutes I can’t believe I am ONLY halfway done… But I hang tough, and actually accomplish another “negative split”, running 5.6 miles to the midway point and 5.7 miles afterwards, to beat my goal of 11 miles. There are a lot of feature films that clock in at around 90 minutes. The drive to Corvallis is no longer than that… In any case I don’t expect to do a run like this again. So the 24 hour treadmill world record of 153 miles is safe.
Jan 28 – No running-related activity today with the exception of purchasing a plane ticket to Boston. I guess I’d better hope I still know how to run on solid, stable ground.
Jan 29 – Three more days! I can hear Ray LaMontagne singing those words all day long, and I can hardly wait to get today’s 33-minute session started. These 4.2 miles are a piece of cake compared to Saturday’s long run. I’m pretty much done with heroics; a few medium hills and some faster interludes but nothing too fancy. It is my 21st workout of the month, and I surpass the 100-mile mark. The gym starts out empty but gradually attracts a (for this place) decent crowd. Since I get no strange looks, the rumor that I would grow a hamster tail by now is turning out to be not true.
Jan 30 – It has been at least 10 days since we had any precipitation, and I’ve definitely been missing out big time. Still, there is nothing to do but let it go. At least I’m not failing to exercise at all – that would be truly horrible. My attitude is actually pretty good about climbing up onto the beast lately, spurred on by the knowledge that I’m in the home stretch of this project. Nevertheless, there will be no long, tearful, goodbyes… One of the best things about getting back onto the street is that I won’t have to deal with the awkward conversations where people ask me “Are you running?” What they mean is “outside” and often it isn’t really worth trying to explain to acquaintances the what, how and why of my experiment. Few of them will get it – why should they since I barely do! So I just say “Yes,” and hope they don’t engage me further in terms of how I’m managing to endure the cold. When necessary, I mention that I’m temporarily keeping things indoors, but not necessarily because of the climate. Neither of us ever seems totally satisfied with that response…In some respects, a session remarkably like yesterday’s, this time 32 minutes and another 4.2 miles. The only remarkable occurrence is when I perform one final test and push the speed all the way up to 10 mph for a couple of minutes. Actually I only go to 9.9 mph, because the machine already sounds like it is struggling and 10 might cause it to disintegrate, taking me with it. Or maybe it would eject me, hurling me through the mirror glass to a parallel universe where I’d be forced to endure an eternity of treadmilling. Not worth the risk.
Jan 31 – I’ve made it! Through 23 sessions, more than 15 accumulated hours, and over 109 total miles. My final 31-minute, 4-mile jaunt is like the last stage of the Tour de France – almost strictly a formality. At the end I thrust my arms towards the ceiling in victory – as usual there’s no one to see me do that this morning – and hop off of the beast. I resist the urge to say, “It’s been fun. See you around, buddy” because it hasn’t, and I won’t, and it never really was. To be honest, though, it also hasn’t really been anywhere near as awful as I anticipated, either. Not only did I exceed my monthly norm in terms of aerobic exercise days, but they were all solid efforts. And even though they won’t count at all (and it pains me greatly to say that), those 109 non-miles should help me continue building towards my redemption race in Boston. In fact, I’ve (albeit barely) exceeded my best month of 2006, a year where mileage proved difficult to come by. So, then, other than staying warm and dry while getting in a lot of good training, and managing to keep my sanity doing it, what do I take away from the experience? The appreciation that treadmill running has some merit, but it is foolish to expect any serious, competitive athlete who loves the outdoors to want to do it anywhere near exclusively, and without substantially better distractions than I had. Who else would do it this way, even occasionally, without music, video, air circulation, companions, or at least a window? Maybe only my friend PW, but he’s not really a racer, just a very no-frills fitness-seeker. I wish for him the best, but I’m going back where I belong.
Feb 1 – The experiment is over, but now comes the ultimate test and final exam– seeing how I do when I take it outside again. I’m up early to retrace the 8.75 mile loop through the hilly Southwest Portland neighborhoods I call home. At the end of December I struggled to a 78 minute result that was 30-40 seconds per mile slower than my summertime average. It feels odd to pull on long sleeves, a jacket and gloves, and mentally brace for the sensation of chilliness after all that heavy sweating in the gym. But here I go… and it is marvelous to be tiptoeing along narrow shoulders, hopping up and down curbs, dodging potholes and cars, going up – and especially down – hills, beating traffic lights, seeing and greeting other runners, feeling real wind, and most of all having scenery that constantly changes. My throat may be unaccustomed to the frosty air, and my eyes struggle with the bright natural light, but it won’t take long to get used to these again. I’m free of any doubts about missing this action. I knock close to 3 minutes off my December time, an indication that my project was not detrimental to my running health after all. Yay, yay, and yay. It will also be wonderful to end this obsession and return to my tried and true regular routine – no matter how many downtown streets they rip apart, I can find one to access whenever it fits my schedule. Somebody else can have my spot on the running simulator from hell. My work here is through…
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